So...um...God? Yeah...so where is it at?

I am learning so much lately, but it is stuff that cannot be expressed in words. I keep saying there is something big and crazy going on inside of me, as if I am all jumbled up inside and being shaken around. Since my mother passed it has been as if my word has turned upside down and the support system I had for 98% of my life has fallen to pieces, all the while God is catching those falling pieces and laying them where they should have rested in the first place, but can I be frank with you all and say THIS CRAP HURTS! I appreciate God being involved enough in my life to fix what is broken, but I am in pain and discomfort. I know one day I will look back and say "Man, look how far God brought me through that valley, and how much I grew through that period", but right now, I feel alone and oppressed. Nobody knew me like my mother, and I don't know if anyone could ever again. She watched me grow and knew my deepest secrets from the moment I was born to the moment she left this world. We had so many deep conversations most people couldn't handle. My mother and I could not stand to be surface. If I am a friend, I am a friend with all that I am. I don't know how to small talk (not well as least), and it pains me to be surface with people, or even worse, when people are surface with me. Its as if I can see through to peoples pains and fears, and even their reservations about me, and I just want to prove to them how I am dedicated to being their for them. I hate the fact that everyone is always wary of me. Not only does this keep me from being there for them, but it keeps them from being there for me. I cannot share my pain with others because it seems they either don't want to help me carry it (as bad as that sounds, I can't blame them) or they just can't handle it. I have wondered this since I was about 13: Is is God's design that I be lonely so I would depend on him more? I do have a problem with placing people on pedestals and then being disappointed when they fall off. I have gotten over that though, at about age 22 or so.  I now know for sure that everyone sucks at some point in time, and I accept that about people. My problem is this: Who but God knows how I feel inside, and will I ever have someone who can handle the emotional wreck that I am at times? I need help sifting through all this crap inside of me. I know that God is a friend through everything, and I appreciate that very much, but I find myself needing a human being to talk to, who I can call at 3am and just spill my guts to. Can I be honest with you and say I am not satisfied with talking to God about what is going on inside? Can I be brutally honest and say God is too silent? Can I be honest with you and say that I sometimes doubt God's care about my loneliness, my life, my well-being? Can I be as honest as ever and say that right now I am struggling with understanding what is going on in my life right now and am on the edge of a nervous breakdown? All of this and more is going on inside of me and I am about to make the biggest move in my life to a place where gas is $4.75/gallon and rent for one person is $700 and I have about $400 to my name as we speak. I know that I am doing what God wants me to, but I just don't see where this is going. I am so afraid, but somehow I know God is in this and there is a strange reassurance underneath it all.  But where do I go to unleash all of the emotions ravaging my insides? Where is my outlet? Who is my soundboard? When you took her, I was left all alone in this world. What about me God? Where is my support? Who will help me? Who is my friend? Who will counsel me? Who will teach me? Who will be strong for me? Why do I always have to be the strong one...? I know you are supposed to be the strong one and I am supposed to be weak so you can prove your strength but WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? There is just too much going on inside of me for words. Im lost... When does it end?