Even nature speaks His words

Lately, starting around April, I have seen more vultures than ever before in Georgia. To be truthful, this is the first time ever, in five years of living here, that I have ever seen a vulture. I am not talking about a large crow, but a large, ungainly, gobbledy-necked thing with a 4 foot wingspan and a penchant for looming over rotting carcasses  in the middle of the road until your bumper is 3 feet from its face. Their very appearance  gives me the creeps, and I have seen over 5 of them in the last three months. I am not superstitious, but perhaps after reading this you will swear I am. You see, almost 2 months ago, my mother died unexpectedly of a sudden  asthma attack. Ever since then, I have heard story after story of people losing parents, children, limbs, et cetera, and every time I am reminded of my own loss. Losing my mother has been by far the weirdest experience in my life. She was a phenomenal woman and my best friend (cannot emphasize this enough), yet somehow the grace of God has kept me from contemplating suicide to escape the unhealthy despair I'd expected to hound me on that fateful day. People tell me "You are so mature" or "You are really strong" and I have to disagree, at least about this. The truth is, God has not allowed me to see this in any other way than as blessing, although painful, bewildering, and sometimes quite trying. I miss her unlike I have ever missed anything, to the point of unfeeling where I am only aware of a distant pain...somewhere. Just when I feel like I am going to descend into the pit of despair out of which I will never escape, God is there sowing into my mind the seeds of new growth and revelation of His will for my life and glimpses into the multi-faceted purpose behind her seemingly untimely death. Don't get me wrong, these things don't numb the pain. The pain numbs the pain. His provision is that there is a reason and I have a purpose and there is meaning in her death. To top it all off, she is doing AWESOME right now, I have reason to envy her! (To any skeptics who believe Heaven is a lie designed to subdue the masses, what if you are wrong and missing out on this Hope that has brought me through many a weeping night?) To speak of the possibly superstitious part, I don't think seeing these vultures for the first time so often is by coincidence. Its almost as if natures is reflecting the climate or the mode in which God is shifting me. The uneasiness these creatures give me parallel the uneasiness I feel about the darkness of this word. There is so much death and pain here, spiritual and physical. My sensitivity to such has always been somewhat heightened, however my mothers passing blew the lid off of the jar and ever since I have been ultra sensitive to the pain of others. I have been there. What am I saying? I AM THERE! I wish to be a wounded healer, to squeeze good and meaning from my painful experience. I wish to help! So does God, and he won't let me go a second without realizing that He is the greatest help I can offer the world. So this is where my road leads, towards broken hearts that struggle to survive in the dark corners of the human experience. This is where my Master beckons, a call that I wouldn't dare resist. You see, this is the call I have been waiting for, and now it's time to run.